Selene’s Story
On 1st October 1993, my beloved first son Matthew went away for a long weekend with his mates. He never returned from that weekend. On the way home three days later, he stopped his car in the bush and took his life. He was 10 weeks short of 18 years old.
I will never know what drove my beautiful gentle son to this extreme degree of despair. I was aware of his melancholic state in the year prior to his suicide, but I had no idea of the extent of his misery.
Since that day, my life has taken many twists and turns, and ups and downs as I have navigated my way through my world without my son. I have often contemplated what it must be like to feel so low that one might consider that the world would be better off without one in it. Perhaps this was Matthew’s assumption, or perhaps it was just that his personal struggle was simply too unbearable for him to face another day. I will never know.
What I do know is that he was not aware of who he could turn to for help, and that he felt so alone in his distress that he told no one of his state of being or his intention to end his life.
What would I have done if I had known? I can’t really say, as I was not equipped with the skills at the time to deal with such depth of misery. As a single mother of another three younger sons, I also felt inadequate in dealing with my boys’ mental health through the years that followed. I felt like a failure as a mother, and totally out of my depth as they grew towards, and one by one surpassed, the age their older brother was when he died. I have never quite forgiven myself for my inadequacies.
I now know that suicide is one of the greatest causes of death globally, and that we need to do more to turn this around. I want to learn more, to share more, and to help to bring about more awareness and subsequent change in government spending for mental health.
In September and October this year, I will walk over 1000 kilometres on the Bibbulmun Track in our beautiful South West to raise awareness for mental health and suicide prevention.
On my journey of twists and turns, and ups and downs, I will camp at 49 designated campsites, stay overnight in 8 rural towns, and share stories with fellow hikers and residents about life, wellbeing, depression, suicide and other aspects of personal health and self-care.
I will explore my sense of connectedness with nature, myself and the other beings I come across on my journey, and I will walk each step in gratitude for the life I have been blessed with.
